W.W.O.A.--Wise Words of Aubrey Rule # 2

Following rule number one, comes rule number two. Imagine that. And once again, if you come up with any suggestions for a rule that should be included, comment below.

Rule #2:

Don’t play with fire.

            Self-explanatory, but I’ll provide an example. When I was little I was messing around with my cousins playing with some bottle rockets and matches. And long story short, we accidentally burnt down a church and my dad donated some stained-glassed windows and…just kidding that’s from The Last Song.

            You don’t want to turn out like Patient X and not have eyebrows for a month. My mom, I mean Patient X lit the grill incorrectly and the flames scorched those suckers right off. But if the pyromaniac desire builds up inside of you like a hot oil fire, you might as well burn something. 

Starting Something New--Wise Words of Aubrey

Hey all right, a friend suggested I do this, so I'm making a book, or rather a list at this point of some rules or advice. Basically random, but funny, maybe even useful. I'll be posting the advice/rules for this new project one at a time.

If you have any suggestions for a piece of advice/rule I should include, please add it in the comments below.

Rule #1:

Do not read this book.

            Like seriously. If you haven’t gotten far already put this down. Immediately. Or throw it away in the nearest garbage can. You can’t say I didn’t warn you. You might just have to subject your poor, little, innocent mind to some of the most embarrassing and painful stories, ever. Occasionally I may refer to the subjects in this text as Patient X, as to not cause them any further humiliation. Better yet, if you’re a pyromaniac like me, BURN IT!! And that takes us to the next bit of advice.

which you'll just have to wait for.... 

The Scientist Versus The Preacher (more poetry)

Hey again, if you're new to me, read my intro in the first post, at the end of this blog. Comment on who you think is better, the scientist or preacher?

The Scientist Versus The Preacher

The scientist gets paid, goes home, and sleeps,

Another child dies as their heart loses beat.

The procedure seems simple, without second thought,

The vanished hand reaches for the life it never got.

Another city crumbles, Death takes his toll,

Atomic bombs taking lives, leaving massive holes.

The same inventions that were once made for the better,

Are employed as weapons as we emulate Hitler.

But O, a cure is found, is found!

So many lives can now be saved,

As the rest die on the ground.

The preacher gets paid, goes home, and prays,

For life without abortions or wars, and for better days.

His worries are moral as the scientist lays.

He will never understand these modern ways.

He sternly judges life he does not even know,

He is quicker to condemn than to say, how so, how so?

Each man will always try to keep their faults at bay,

So who is better off as time slips away?

Nothing yet Everything

Hi, if you're new to this blog, please read the first post before you read anything else. It'll make the rest make sense.

Nothing yet Everything

Nothing can wash away the sins, the dirt inside my veins

Nothing can take away the hurt, or any of the pain

If only you were here right now, me inside your arms

You could take me far away from all the world’s harms

No washing of these eyes can make them see true

They lie to me, they lie to you

And then we lie to who?

Life is a long journey along the broken path

God hath made us all, against the devil’s wrath

But…

I’m alive,

I’m free,

I’m strong,

I can make it…

Anywhere, Anywhere at all

Please catch me if I fall

Thank God, for God I’m here today, every single day

Thank God for friends that have been there all along the way

Thank God, for everyone

And life beneath the sun

Straining eyes and bleeding hearts, one must deal with in life

Everyone’s dealt a different hand, but everyone feels strife

But…

I’m alive,

I’m free,

I’m strong,

I can make it…

Anywhere, Anywhere at all

Please catch me if I fall

The days are ticking by and by

Their souls are ripping lie by lie

I don’t know if you’ll wait for me

The one thing I cannot foresee

The one thing that is true

I’ll wait for you

But let this be known

Before you come home

That

I’m still alive,

I’m still free,

I’m still strong,

I will make it…

Anywhere, Anywhere at all

Please hold me when I fall

For you…

First Post

Okay. This is my first post. No duh. You readers already knew that. I probably should say something witty or funny. Well, I fall a lot. I've had some pretty bad or even one could venture to say EPIC falls. Not like metaphorically or whatever. Not into that kind of metaphorical drama...sorta not. Anyways...I legitimately and physically fall. It is a skill I have acquired after much practice and I do it with much precision. My art of falling seems almost graceful. Who else can sprint across the courtyard of a public school in heels, while carrying a cake, in the middle of freezing February, and so carefully find the GAPING HOLE that the school has not cared to fill in, locate it with my big toe and somehow take a leap of faith (praying that I survive) and also take a calm fly through the air? Yeah, don't let me get you wrong; flying is pretty cool, the wind in your hair, and all that nonsense--What I don't get is how any of the superheroes that we watch movies about and buy tacky memorabilia for has never choked on a fly (like the buzz buzz kind) while flying at the speed of light? So besides the bug part, flying is awesome. It's the landing part that I'm always worried about. I haven't quite gotten that part down yet. And it's safe to say that I've probably donated several pints of blood to my dear mother (Earth). I've also been responsible for using up my house's supply--probably Walmart's too--of band-aids, gauzes, and antibacterial ointment. Oh and also responsible for some grossed out friends...and most likely mortified readers.

If you're still reading this by now, that's pretty cool. That makes me really happy...What's wrong with you people? Escape now, while you still can! Just kidding. So when I'm not flying and then subsequently making a great scene of falling, I'm going to school. But when I don't do either of those things, I'm probably having a life. But when I do none of the above, I might have a pen--my greatest weapon--and some paper. I write stuff. Sometimes I start a new project/story/idea/book/one-page-of-a-half-hearted-attempt, and I never finish. But if do get to put all my thoughts down, I feel pretty accomplished.

So if you're not into reading some of my amateur writings, that's fine, this blog isn't for you. But if you are, thanks for reading, and I hope to keep you entertained, and on the edge of your chairs (hahaha, this way you'll fall too! kidding, again).

--Doctor Aubs